5 years ago this photo was taken of me as part of a project I started and many wonderful people participated in. We were suppose to write words on our bodies that people have called us and then we washed them off to show how words from others won't define us. My main word I picked was MURDERER. I have been called this word a few times directly and many times any time someone discusses abortions. I chose this word as my main word 5 years ago because out of all of the things I have been called this both hit me the hardest and angered me the most. People do not understand what making that choice is like, people do not bother to understand. People assume it's easy for those who chose it, that they don't live with it forever, that they didn't have crushing reasons to choose it. Nobody wants to be in that situation ever and only a truly strong person could ever actually make that decision. It took me many years to figure that out but ladies you aren't weak or horrible you are strong and amazing for making one of the hardest if not THE hardest decisions anyone could ever make and for still being here today to tell about it and feel about it. Most humans couldn't handle that, so know you are strong. I share this with you today because I see a lot of extra hate and miseducation and confusion about abortions and reproductive rights etc lately. I see a lot of blind hate being thrown around. It's fine if we disagree it's fine if you don't believe abortion is ok. I understand I truly do. However I ask you to stop making assumptions about women who have them or people who support them. You do not know their situation and trust me you do not know what you would actually do if you were in that same situation. I used to be completely pro life then one day I got pregnant and was in one of the worst situations and relationships of my life. I don't owe it to you all to explain the details of that relationship or why I made my choice but I will share with you that I know for a fact I wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't made that impossible choice. And I live with it every day, I question the what ifs. I've gone through stages of grief and sorrow and anger and regret and acceptance and everything between. I share this because I'm done being silent. I share this because I'm done seeing people assume. I share this because nobody who hasn't had to make that choice can actually know fully about it or the process or in my opinion therefore can't truly have a fully educated opinion on this topic I beg of you to listen to those who have, not to change your beliefs but so maybe you can stop condemning them without knowing them or their stories. I have been scared to share this story for 7 years now, but it's time to speak up. I didn't make this choice for myself, I thought at first I did, I'd gladly give up my life for anyone I love but I did it for that child, you probably won't understand that and I can't blame you for that, I barely understand it myself but please trust me when I say neither of us would have survived that life. Every year we celebrate "her" bday and joey unofficially adopted "her" "she" is a part of my life forever but more than that "she" changed my life forever by opening my eyes to this issue. I hate I went through it but I believe I did so I could educate others and speak up about it, it's time I did my duty and that starts now! I'm sure you have questions and I'm happy to answer them as long as we can keep this dialog respectful and open minded on both our ends.
Thank you for sharing. While I am pro-life, I wish people would listen to you. I'm sure that was an extremely difficult decision to make. While I do feel that it is a choice that is made all too often in today's society, I don't feel it is productive in any manner to call someone a "murderer." It's not anyone else's place to judge you and your extremely personal descions, nor is it mine.
ReplyDeleteI do have a single question. I'm sure you considered it, but what about adoption?
First of all thank you for the reply it truly means a lot to me.
DeleteI of course considered adoption and the fully honest answer is 2 parts, one if we had both made it that long I wouldn't have been able to give up a baby as odd as that sounds but more importantly I am sure we both wouldn't have made it that long either from abuse, stress or my mental state sadly I wasn't strong enough and was in a horrible situation also the father wouldn't even hear about adoption :( but honesty it is always one if my what ifs. ♡
I'm sorry you were put in that situation to begin with. On a larger scale of positive discussion, from a person who would like to see more adoption possible, what kind of changes do you think could help others get out of situation like yours and get help (referencing abuse and mental state)?
DeleteP.S. Login doesn't seem to want to work from my phone, but this is zackplays (PSN) or zsouthpaw (twitch and twitter). Been listening to you on GR for a while. :)
Thank you for sharing this. It is gripping testimony and I applaud your courage for putting it out here. I pray that you hear no negativite feedback. I have been at that fork in the road, i think i can appreciate at least a bit of your struggle. Im sorry your were in that position and this honest bunny blog is proof you are centered in your heart. Take solace in that, your strength. I love GR and tentatively follow my favorite Destiny Community leaders. Few are as open and honest as you. I so badly want to pop a Titan Bubble over the lot from trolls and bullys. I question nothing here, Belle. The adoption bit hit the feels. GG. EagleAlbros psn
ReplyDelete*attentively not tentatively
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