The Hardest Decision of My Life Was Becoming a Murderer

--WARNING: Triggering but extremly IMPORTANT--

5 years ago this photo was taken of me as part of a project I started and many wonderful people participated in. We were suppose to write words on our bodies that people have called us and then we washed them off to show how words from others won't define us. My main word I picked was MURDERER. I have been called this word a few times directly and many times any time someone discusses abortions. I chose this word as my main word 5 years ago because out of all of the things I have been called this both hit me the hardest and angered me the most. People do not understand what making that choice is like, people do not bother to understand. People assume it's easy for those who chose it, that they don't live with it forever, that they didn't have crushing reasons to choose it. Nobody wants to be in that situation ever and only a truly strong person could ever actually make that decision. It took me many years to figure that out but ladies you aren't weak or horrible you are strong and amazing for making one of the hardest if not THE hardest decisions anyone could ever make and for still being here today to tell about it and feel about it. Most humans couldn't handle that, so know you are strong. I share this with you today because I see a lot of extra hate and miseducation and confusion about abortions and reproductive rights etc lately. I see a lot of blind hate being thrown around. It's fine if we disagree it's fine if you don't believe abortion is ok. I understand I truly do. However I ask you to stop making assumptions about women who have them or people who support them. You do not know their situation and trust me you do not know what you would actually do if you were in that same situation. I used to be completely pro life then one day I got pregnant and was in one of the worst situations and relationships of my life. I don't owe it to you all to explain the details of that relationship or why I made my choice but I will share with you that I know for a fact I wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't made that impossible choice. And I live with it every day, I question the what ifs. I've gone through stages of grief and sorrow and anger and regret and acceptance and everything between. I share this because I'm done being silent. I share this because I'm done seeing people assume. I share this because nobody who hasn't had to make that choice can actually know fully about it or the process or in my opinion therefore can't truly have a fully educated opinion on this topic I beg of you to listen to those who have, not to change your beliefs but so maybe you can stop condemning them without knowing them or their stories. I have been scared to share this story for 7 years now, but it's time to speak up. I didn't make this choice for myself, I thought at first I did, I'd gladly give up my life for anyone I love but I did it for that child, you probably won't understand that and I can't blame you for that, I barely understand it myself but please trust me when I say neither of us would have survived that life. Every year we celebrate "her" bday and joey unofficially adopted "her" "she" is a part of my life forever but more than that "she" changed my life forever by opening my eyes to this issue. I hate I went through it but I believe I did so I could educate others and speak up about it, it's time I did my duty and that starts now! I'm sure you have questions and I'm happy to answer them as long as we can keep this dialog respectful and open minded on both our ends.

A New Year's Open Letter

Dear people,
It's a new year and that's awesome. That means new potentials, resolutions that will be successes and many that will be left  behind tomorrow. I think that it is great that we like to see a new year as a fresh start but, BUT I beg of you a few small things:

 -do NOT forget 2016 and all the years before, all the good and the bad, the pain and the smiles, the things that angered and drove you to want 2017 to come asap do not forget that, but instead hang on to it and use it to make 2017 better
 -do NOT blind yourself to all you became aware of last year just because a new year has arrived. Stay aware, become more aware, educate yourself and others.
 -DO practice more patience and kindness and acceptance. Move past acceptance and learn to just be and love others.
 -do NOT expect 2017 to magically be better than 2016, you and I have to MAKE it better and that's starts with each of us every single day.

 I challenge you:
-to become colorblind
-to use less gender specific terms
-make less assumptions
-support your kids no matter which toy they want or color they want to wear
-don't judge someone by the dirty clothes they have on at Walmart that day or the way they didn't give their kid the candy bar they wanted at the check outline
-don't hop on every angry bandwagon that others roll by your doorstep
-be more educated about the world, your world, our world than you were last year
-stand up for someone when you see someone else judging them
-be a constant act of kindness and don't always share it on social media
-make sure people around you know you love them exactly as they are and are there for them when they don't love themselves for exactly who they are
-when you say hey how are you expect a real response and try to always give a real reply not just the general "I'm good, you?"
 -smile more
-cry when you need to cry
-ask for help when you need help
-judge less
 -care more
-make change
 -fight with kindness and love not with hate and violence

 WE are the only ones who can make 2017 what we wanted, what we needed it to so badly be after 2016. Only YOU can start NOW!

 Happy New Year World! Let's make it all it can be but never forget 2016!
 ♡

Now Hiring?

Months and months ago there was a job listing for a particular company, potentially my current dream job. When I saw this listing I immediately pictured myself applying for it and getting the position and living the dream. But, did I fill out an application or send in my resume? No. Shortly after, the position was filled by a wonderful person who is doing an amazing job. 

Why didn't I just apply you may ask? Beats me, I ask myself that very question every day. Realistically chances are I wouldn't have gotten the job, I technically didn't qualify, I technically need to decide if I am changing my minor or adding a second minor or if am just going to finally finish the dang thing I already started. However, I should have just applied, to say to myself that I tried, to take that first step no matter the outcome, to put myself out there and maybe be remember later on when the time was right. 

So again I ask why didn't I simply apply?

Because it is so much easier to dream about your dream job than to actually strive and reach to achieve it. 

Not a great excuse, I agree, but sadly a real one. At least for me.

So months later I find myself creating a profile on LinkedIn, looking up Indie Game Job Listings, and struggling to figure out how the poop I create a resume with the amazingness that is my online life. 

I spend majority of my day socializing, marketing myself, Guardian Radio, Dames etc on social media such as twitter. I enjoy this. Its become natural to me, even though a few years ago I swore against Twitter, convinced even looking at such a thing would cause me to keel over dead. Now? Im in love with Twitter, with marketing, with PR work. I am honored to hold the title of Community Manager officially for Guardian Radio. I have learned so much through my experience founding, leading and growing Dames of Destiny and Safe Gamers as well as my own personality and Youtube channel. 

I could go on and on about all I have learned and how much I have grown as an individual and how much the groups I am a part of have changed and grown. 

The issue? How do I put all of that into a professional appearing ONE PAGE resume?!

If you know me at all I like to talk

and talk

and talk.

Im the same with writing. I dont summarize well. Especially when it comes to things I am deeply passionate about, things that have made such a strong impact on my life. 

If I ever successfully condense it all into a resume, any place I send it to should hire me on the spot just for being able to do so, for that will be one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. 

Condensing who you are and what you do with your life into one simple page is a very difficult task indeed. 

So my conclusion? 

Screw it. Im making a video resume. Thats what I do, thats how I am going to present myself. And dont worry I will also include a boring paper version, I promise. But Im a unique individual with unique passions, I am going to show them to the world the way I know best, with my voice. 

We will see how this goes. Wish me luck. And never hold yourself back for anyone or anything, its when you let your true self shine that you are noticed by the right people and when you feel the best about yourself you often come across as your best self. 

A special thank you to those who have been talking me through this on Twitter, you rock and I appreciate you.

Until Next time, 

dont fall too far down the rabbit hole.

-Belle

Not Bungie Weekly Update 06/18/2015 - E3

This week at Bungie… I wasn’t there. 

But neither was Deej. 

The team was off at E3 having a grand old time shooting guardians with t-shirts from the only Gally many of us will ever see. 

Also at E3 Deej’s fabulous suit was replaced by the newest Bungie fashion statement, The Oryx @$# Hat, designed by Bungie’s own Luke Smith.  

Luke Smith confirmed that the presence of another chest in the Vault of Glass will never be confirmed. 

                                                                                                                                          

Meanwhile

Back at the office, the responsible part of the team that was left behind was hard at work releasing Hot Fix 1. 2.0.3, in which we attempted to get Skolas to attend Anger Management. Details of which can be seen here or just go play Level 35 Prison of Elders. 

Guardians spent the week glued to their screens consuming every piece of The Taken King information thrown their way, especially the unconfirmed parts.  There have been reports of Destiny future content overload. The pre-orders seem to be flying in, but of course not everyone is happy, Cayde for one is not pleased with the sale of his precious Strange Coins to collectors. While other Guardians are uneasy about the grand amount of story alluded to, stating, “this is not the Destiny we have grown accustomed to.” 

                                                                                                                                          

 Guardian Burn and Cauldron Bubble

Trials returned yet again this past weekend on Cauldron.  Here is a heat-map for you. The red indicates where Thorn was used: 

 Trials will return this weekend. We are certain that the map chosen will be met with dismay by the majority of Guardians, who will then play it anyway.

                                                                                                                                          

We Know

There are problems.

We are fixing them. 

                                                                                                                                          

Rated G for Gally

 WINNER: This is why we don’t trust everyone with a Gjallarhorn, some people just cant handle them. 

Honorable Mention: Deej shows us what he truly thinks of E3.   

This is the point where I write something that sounds mysterious and like a true hint to some future event, but really means nothing at all… 

…or does it?

-Belle